My Birth Story With Baby Killian

I’m finally ready to share the birth story of my son, Killian Grey! It all began on March 28th, which came as a surprise considering he wasn’t due for another few weeks.

On Friday, March 28th, Sam and I went out to dinner and spent the evening laughing and sharing a meal. On the drive home, I started to feel contractions, and they were a bit stronger than the Braxton Hicks I had been having. I started timing them. After a few hours of watching the clock, the contractions got closer and stronger, and I decided to call Labor & Delivery. The nurse I spoke to suggested that we come in. At this point, I was only 36 weeks + 5 days, so baby boy was coming early!

When we got to Labor & Delivery, the nurses were so sweet. They got me hooked up to the monitors and, sure enough, I was having contractions and 3cm dilated! So, off to a room we went. Sam and I spent a few hours walking around the room, playing music, and eating some snacks. We even filled up the tub and relaxed in the warm water for a while. After a few more hours, I was checked again and had gone from 3cm to 6cm. We were making progress. I thought this was go-time, so I laid down and took a nap, hoping to get a little rest before baby boy came. When I woke up the next morning (a few hours later), my contractions had stopped, and I hadn’t made any further progress. At about 8am, Sam and I made the decision to head home and come back when things picked up again.

I thought for sure that I would go home, get some more rest, and things would pick back up, but they didn’t. My contractions fizzled out.

I spent the next few weeks having prodromal labor. For anyone who doesn’t know (I didn’t), prodromal labor is real contractions that make no progress in dilation. They hurt, they are exhausting, and they are very disappointing. I spent most nights trying to get them to make progress, but I wasn’t getting more than a sore belly and missed sleep. If I could give any advice, it would be to rest through them. Take a bath, shower, or lay down. If they were real contractions, I wouldn’t have been able to get them to stop. We ended up in Labor & Delivery two more times because of the prodromal labor, and each time was so discouraging. I was still dilated to 5cm, having contractions that were a minute long and two minutes apart, and making zero progress. During those weeks, I tried everything. The Miles Circuit, the StairMaster, the teas, eating dates, having sex — but nothing was helping. Our daughter was born at 37 weeks + 3 days, so I was shocked that I made it past 39 weeks with Killian.

At 2am on Wednesday, April 16th, my water broke. I was laying in bed, asleep, when I felt a pop and fluid. I woke up and immediately ran to the bathroom to check what had happened. I turned the light on and excitedly woke Sam up. At first, in his sleepy, groggy state, he didn’t believe me, but I showed him the fluid that had spilled on the floor, and he was up and ready to go! We were both so excited. We called Sam’s mom, Bobbi, to come over to watch Valen. Bobbi was coming down from Maine, so she had a bit of a drive, meaning we had to take Val with us to the hospital for a few hours. I love that she got to be there for a bit. She told jokes, made us and the nurses laugh, and was so sweet. I am so grateful for Bobbi coming to grab her for our hospital stay!

After weeks of contractions, I was so happy to have had my water break. I figured Killian’s labor would fly by, but boy, was I wrong. I got to the hospital still dilated to 5cm and having absolutely no contractions. They never came. We waited until about 10am for something to happen, and so far, nothing had. Just some leaking fluids.

If you know me, you’d know I wanted a natural, no-intervention birth. I didn’t want any pain meds or any Pitocin. But after 8 hours of nothing happening, and by the doctor’s recommendation, I agreed to Pitocin. After being put on Pitocin, I started having contractions, but they were so mild. It felt like an uncomfortable period cramp, but it was not painful at all. I spent about two hours walking around trying to help the contractions along when the baby’s heart rate began to dip. This is a side effect of the medication, and I was not aware before receiving it. They shut off the Pitocin altogether, and with it went my contractions. After another hour or so, the nurses came back and started it again. Once I got to a certain point, his heart rate would dip. After the second time this happened, the doctor came in and placed a different monitor, which was like a tube that went inside my uterus and could monitor the strength and duration of each contraction better than the belly bands. The doctor then started explaining to us that at this point, they weren’t sure if our baby could handle the labor, so they were leaning towards a C-section. This terrified me. I had planned for a natural birth, no intervention, and I had even chosen the hospital we went to because they had midwives and doctors. After the doctor left, I broke down and cried. My body was made to have a baby, and after weeks of contractions, I didn’t have any when my water broke. I felt like my body was failing me. I felt like everyone was waiting on me to just have the baby already. I felt like I couldn’t do the one thing I was supposed to do. It was so disappointing to hear her tell me that I might need a C-section. I tried to reassure myself. I tried to calm down, but I didn’t want that. I mean, of course, if I needed one, I would do it for my baby. All I wanted was for him to be healthy and safe.

The nurses started the Pitocin again, and again, his heart rate dipped. They shut it off and left us to hang out for a bit. At this point, we had made it to another shift change. With it came new doctors, new midwives, and new nurses, and let me tell you — this made a huge difference in how I was feeling. One of the nurses came in and saw that I had been crying and was so reassuring, pointing out on the monitor how his heart rate only dipped if I was moving around, how it wasn’t for a prolonged period, and how it came back up. The new doctor then came in and told me she was going to get me the birth I wanted, not to worry, as I would be having my unmedicated birth. This was so reassuring. At about 9pm, I was started back on the Pitocin and decided to take a nap. I slept for about two hours, sleeping through contractions until I felt a kick so hard that it woke me up, painfully. This is when I started having actual contractions. Pitocin contractions are unlike any other; they are so, so painful. With Val, I didn’t have any pain meds, and her labor was bearable, but these contractions were unlike any other. They came on fierce and fast.

I am so happy that I had Sam with me throughout this experience. With every contraction, he was holding me, rocking with me, offering support in any way I needed. He was so good at knowing when to hold me and when to give me some space. At around 1:30am, I began having the urge to push. I laid down on my side and was pushing on a contraction. I felt something come out, and Sam looked and saw blood. Our nurse came in and tried to instruct me to breathe through the next contraction, but I said, “No, I have to push!” and I did. She ran to the door and called for the doctor, and just like that, my room was filled with nurses ready to help! When the doctor checked me, I was only 8cm dilated, and baby was pretty high up my cervix. But that didn’t stop me. I had rolled to my back and had begun pushing on each contraction. I pushed a total of 8 times in 8 minutes. The first 4 contractions I pushed on brought me to 10cm and brought baby completely down my cervix. The nurse was trying to help me hold my leg, and in the heat of the contraction, I yelled at her not to touch me. I felt terrible. During another contraction, the doctor was trying to instruct me on something and I accidentally yelled, “Fuck you, don’t tell me what to do!” Again, I felt so bad once the contractions stopped that I was apologizing to the staff for swearing at them. Of course, they were used to it and were very understanding. They even shared stories of other similar experiences that we far worse. After I started pushing, they turned down the Pitocin a bit, and I was getting a break in between each contraction. For the next 4 contractions, I pushed as hard as I could, taking a quick break in between to sip my water and prepare for the next push. After Killian’s head was out, Sam moved to the foot of the bed. He placed his hands on the doctor’s and helped deliver the baby.

On Thursday, 4/17 at 1:48am, Killian Grey was born. He weighed 7lbs 6oz, was 20in long, and had hair! He is such a beautiful baby, and Sam and I are in love with him. He latched almost immediately, and we got to spend the next few hours, just the three of us, in pure bliss. Later in the morning, Valen and some family got to meet our sweet boy, and they all fell in love with him too. The nurses and doctors at Catholic Medical Center were amazing. Especially our primary nurse, Tonya! We had such a great experience and couldn’t have asked for a better team to help deliver him.